Tick,Tick… BoOM!

Sometimes you find something that completely changes the way you see yourself, the world, and what you thought was possible. Fandom is a crazy thing. I can’t imagine there are many people in this world who haven’t experienced love at first sight with some sort of art- be it a song, film, show, painting, sculpture, or even delicious dish. Art has a way of moving people, and creating passionate lifelong fans. I think it is a relatively unique experience for lightning to strike twice, twenty years apart. Jonathan Larson completely shook the foundations of my heart almost 20 years ago with RENT, and tonight Lin Manuel Miranda and the most incredible cast did it again with the BEAUTIFUL cinematic interpretation of Larson’s debut play, Tick, Tick… Boom! I was frighteningly slow to discover both of these brilliant works, and I somehow started with the last and ended with the first, but within seconds of the opening numbers I knew I’d never be the same again.

I’ve been in love with New York City since I was a very little girl. I love street art, architecture, museums, delicious food, people watching, window shopping… you name it, NYC’s got it, and I want it. It’s always been a magical miracle for me, and I’ve toyed with the idea of living here for my entire adult life. My step-dad grew up on Long Island, and I never complained about visiting the grandparents because it always meant a day trip to the city for museums, musicals, and meals we talked about long after we’d returned home to the suburbs.

I was raised by an immigrant single mother with a serious determination to improve our lot in life. We moved our way up to comfortably middle class by the time I was looking at colleges and planning my future. My childhood was by no means idyllic and perfect, but I was quite sheltered. Music was my life and I wanted to major in music business to help other people get their art into the world. It wasn’t curing cancer, but it meant something to people and to me, it made a difference. A former mentor and boss called it Midwifing Dreams, and I’ll never think of a more appropriate title for my own aspirations. I thought going to NYU would help me knock out two of my biggest dreams, to live in NYC and work in art. You can safely assume that the girl working towards a career in the music business found her way to a LOT of concerts. Being a teenage girl in the early 2000s, I was an equal opportunity boy band fan. My friends and I went to San Antonio to see the NSYNC “No Strings Attached Tour”, but there was no Joey Fatone dangling on any of those marionette strings. I was definitely a JC and Justin girl, but I was still bummed (and a little weirded out) that the show went on with Joey in the hospital for Pneumonia. When it came time to plan my college visit to NYU, I was just as excited to tour the campus as I was to see a musical. Imagine my surprise when I saw that Joey Fatone was headlining a show called RENT. It felt like the universe wanted me to complete the set and finally hear each member of NSYNC live. I put it at the top of my wishlist, not even bothering to research what the show was about.

My OG Spoiled Spinster, Auntie E, took me to the Nederlander Theatre, and we perused our Playbills waiting for the curtain to rise and the show to begin. She lived in the East Village, just a few doors down from STOMP, and the stomping grounds of this particular musical. As a nurse, and older single woman with a lot of gay friends, RENT was something Auntie E could relate to, but was totally outside of my life experiences. I will never ever forget the looks on our faces when the show began. We were captivated before the opening number, Tune Up #1, had even ended. This show was raw, and real, and covered topics the bright lights of Broadway never shone on before. She had to explain what AZT was, and emotionally shared about her friends living with AIDS. When the curtains went up for intermission, I practically flew to the merch desk to buy an Original Broadway Cast Recording. (This was before Spotify, and I was kind of afraid I’d get kicked out of the music business before I could get started if I spent much time on Napster.) We both had tears running down our faces and we hugged each other when the show ended. The energy in the crowd was insane, we were electrified. We were changed. We fell in love with the cast, and the songs, and the incredibly versatile set… but that wasn’t why we were so emotional.

We were brought together to celebrate life, love, good times and bad, sacrifice, family, friendship, art, and that Bohemia was not just a fallacy in your head. I was inspired, my eyes were opened, and my heart was shattered and rebuilt anew. I was able to see far beyond the scope of the life I was living. I am positive RENT made me a better person, a more empathetic and open minded human, and it absolutely made me better equipped to support creatives. I even performed Light My Candle at a school talent show with my sweet friend Dustin. We experienced every technical difficulty under the sun, but we had a ball playing such a wildly inappropriate song to our classmates. I saw RENT as often as possible, always happy to catch a tour and even willing to watch the badass original cast (far past the the prime time) play their roles on film. The show held a very very special place in my heart, and I looked forward to la vie Boheme.

I changed gears from a career in the music business to an awesome job in strategic partnerships I called “Music Business Adjacent.” Just before the lockdown, my team and I produced an event at a Hard Rock Hotel in Mexico. I was running talent and Joey Fatone was our emcee. I was delighted to give him grief for missing our NSYNC show, but sharing how much I enjoyed his performance in RENT to make up for it. We gushed about how wonderful the show is and the genius of Jonathan Larson. He kindly recorded a hello video to the gals that went to the concert with me so that they too could enjoy the magic of his magnetic personality. A year later, I was packing my things into storage to take this adventure. I flipped through my senior scrapbook and boxes of my old things. I found my playbill and poster, the program from my own Rent performance, and I thought again about how much the show had left an indelible mark on my life and heart.

I’ve been walking in Central Park every week since I got here, just to keep tabs on the foliage and fill my heart with the last vestiges of fall fun. I passed a marquis for Tick, Tick… Boom! at the Paris Theatre, right beside the iconic Plaza Hotel. The Paris is one of few remaining art house movie theaters and the only single screen theatre in NYC. I went home, watched this preview, and bought a ticket to go see it in the city ahead of its national release.

If I am sitting in a theatre in New York City, odds are very low it is for a film. The only other time I’ve gone to the movies in New York was to see the very first Sex and the City movie with my best friend from high school on a girls trip. We hunted out every Sex and the City location we could find online, drank entirely too many cosmos, stayed with my college gay bff, and enjoyed the community of that theatre revisiting old friends.

My Soul Sabbatical has brought me to Rockaway Park, not exactly the convenient NYC location I was hoping for, but close enough to make frequent trips and experience Autumn in New York. It’s over 90 minutes on the train to 5th avenue. It seemed a little crazy to travel that far just to go see a movie that was going to be on Netflix in a couple weeks anyway, but something in my gut told me it was necessary. I gave the cats a snack, put on warm clothes to fight the cold front and wind blowing through, and headed to the city to see a movie on a musical I never saw.

There is just something about the Paris, it is captivating and magical and welcoming in a way no one could ever anticipate a movie theater could be. The lights came down, the curtains opened, and my skin was covered in goosebumps and my eyes were misting before the first 10 minutes were up.

Sunday is a wonderful number, full of iconic Broadway cameos. I felt fully justified in needing to see the movie with New Yorkers when the crowd lost their ever loving shit for every pan to a different iconic Broadway star. Patty LuPone, Bernadette Peters, Renee Elise Goldsberry and Phillipa Soo, Adam Pascal and Daphne Rubin Vega from RENT, even Lin Manuel Miranda, it didn’t matter who was in the frame, the crowd got more and more enthusiastic with each shot. The room was filled with love, joy, excitement and passion. My heart expanded and I felt exactly how I feel walking through the theatre district, smiling up at the existing marquis and remembering the old ones that made me fall in love with live performances and this crazy town of dreams. We clapped, cheered, and cried together as Jonathan’s single minded determination to tell the stories and share the struggles of the world around him unfolded. His friends and family experienced the highs and lows of life as a Bohemian New Yorker, and we were captivated. Judith Light played an adeptly aggravating agent. Bradley Whitford was perfection as Stephen Sondheim. Richard Kind was delightful as a wishy washy industry kiss ass. The music was so clearly Jonathan Larson, every number had a counterpart in RENT, and it made my heart soar. Every walk and talk through the city had called to mind another iconic moment in its sister show. It was spectacular. There wasn’t a spare second wasted on anything but brilliance. The entire crowd was energized, inspired, and delighted by this film. We cheered, clapped, gasped, screamed, and cried together, and we didn’t move a muscle until the last credit ran and the house lights came fully up. We refused to burst the bubble of camaraderie only a Larson Legacy could produce.

I don’t know that you can truly love Tick, Tick… Boom! without a healthy love of New York, Bohemia, and RENT, but I have more than enough love for them all for for this film to restore my faith in a great many things. I’m living a pretty bohemian life, refusing to get a normal job, pursuing my passions, filling my days with art and love, trying to find the words to help others see that the less traveled path is equally vital. I am always looking for signs that I am in the right place at the right time, pursuing the right things, and on the right path. It’s a daily quest for me, and I have never felt more sure than I did last night in the Paris Theatre, surrounded by people that love and believe in Bohemia. I’ll never try to pass myself off as the voice of a generation, a person that can fully encapsulate the beauty and magic of a moment so that every single person feels seen and heard, but Jonathan Larson could. Lin Manuel Miranda does. Their gifts live on in the hearts of everyone moved by their work, and you’ll be hard pressed to remain unmoved by this spectacular film. Lin Manuel Miranda has never been shy about his love, affection, and admiration for Jonathan and his work or the impact RENT made on him, and his directorial debut was magnificent. I honestly have zero doubt that this film will sweep all of its Oscar categories. While In the Heights was fantastically surreal with the larger than life dance numbers and crazy CGI tricks, TTB is raw and real, simple but superb. Andrew Garfield was a revelation as Jonathan, his voice was clear and pure and his performance was flawless. I can’t believe he learned to sing and play piano for this role, and I was today years old when I realized he’s British. Alexandra Shipp was phenomenal, Robin De Jesus was divine, this was the least irritating I’ve ever found Vanessa Hudgens. I was enraptured. My arms were covered in goosebumps and my eyes were fighting tears for the entire film.

My heart was bigger than my chest as I left the theatre and walked towards its big premiere event in Times Square. My friend at Netflix had posted something about the event, and it was just a few blocks away. I was buzzed on the beauty and not in a huge hurry to get home. I walked through a very empty Times Square on a Monday night, and the energy shift was palpable as I turned onto 45th and felt the love and adoration of the fans lining the street outside the Shoenfeld Theatre. Across the street were droves of people celebrating the 15th Anniversary of Spring Awakening, another amazing story of coming of age and embracing who you really are.

Jonathan Larson died from an undiagnosed heart condition the night before RENT debuted off broadway. It ran for 12 years and many (many) more tours. It told the stories of artists and their struggles to make their dreams a reality. The darker, dirtier sides of New York, the hardship of chasing dreams, the fight for health in an unhealthy system. It brought hope, understanding, and light to a dark and scary pursuit of passion. Tick, Tick… Boom! shows the sacrifices required to pursue your passions. It is a rock monologue about life as a creative trying to tell the stories that people often ignore. The single minded determination required to make your dreams a reality, and how the support of your tribe can make all the difference in the world.

New York City is not just bright lights and beauty, it’s lonely and scary, dirty, and full of trials and tribulations, but it’s even more filled with beauty, inspiration, love, and magic. I came to New York for museums and meals I can’t live without. I am leaving with far more soul, inspiration, ideas, and assurance that the pursuit of passion is bold, bohemian, and beautiful. I am more sure than I have ever been that I am on the right path. I’m percolating on projects that I am positive will completely change my life. I don’t have to do what is expected of me to be fulfilled and happy. I can show people that coloring outside the lines can still make the most beautiful pictures. I’m so grateful for Tick, Tick… Boom! I hope you’ll watch it, and your heart will be as moved as mine. Jonathan Larson would be so proud, and so will I.