Atta Girl, Adele
I had a magnificent last day in New York City today. It was full of hope, healing, and the subtle affirmations of rightness that I look for at the end of every leg of this crazy journey I’m on. My only goal for today was to get a Love Her But Leave Her Wild photo at a landmark, film a brief recap video, and give the Adele 30 album the attention it deserves. I was flexible on all specifics.
Aside from the Free Museums on Us weekend that required some advance reservations and planning, and a couple meals with loved ones, every single visit to the city this month was completely spontaneous. I got accustomed to taking my first two trains into the city and deciding on the fly where to get off. I’d walk around anywhere that sounded good to me that day. Every single day delivered exactly what I could have wanted or needed, and I was delighted by every single trip to the city. Today, I decided I wanted to walk the Brooklyn Bridge and listen to Adele while soaking in my last views of New York for awhile.
The sun was shining, the tourists were out in full force, the wind whipped around us as we all felt the power of the magical Manhattan skyline, Lady Liberty, and this beautiful bridge. Adele was the perfect soundtrack, and it made my heart do that cartoon Grinch thing while I soaked everything in. Not that a divorce record is the kind of peppy music a film scorer would have put to my day, but it was perfect for me. I talked about the surfeit of emotions I’ve been battling the past few weeks here. I still find myself processing feelings and fears on my walks all over town. Tearing up on random street corners feels pretty normal to me now, and today was no different.
Divorce is devastating and has a trickle down effect well into the extended family.Though I don’t personally have any divorces under my belt, I’ve lived through more than my fair share. I know first hand that weddings don’t always lead to happily ever afters, and that the trauma and baggage from bad endings reappear at the oddest occasions. I love the traditions and ritual of holidays, but juggling the logistics and expectations from my very different family units is exhausting and overwhelming. Sometimes it feels like no one wins and we all lose as navigate the holidays. I’m 36, single, childless, working a part time non-career job that doesn’t keep me up at night, and I am on a mission to live my life to the fullest with the fewest regrets and complications as possible. I can’t even begin to imagine adding a plus one’s family baggage to my already full set. My only excitement for the holidays this year came in the form of NYC department store decorations, themed cocktails, and the reactivation of my subscription to the FrndlyTV app to watch the craptastic Hallmark Channel movies. I’ve been choking on dread and discomfort, unable to stop an internal monologue about my fears and frustrations in my family dynamic. A big shift is coming, and there were a lot of layers of onion peeling done on long walks for me to finally wrap my arms around the root of the issue. I’m very excited about a new beginning, but gutted about the abrupt ending to one that’s been a comfort and constant for many years. But if COVID taught me anything, it’s that there is beauty and growth in discomfort. Unexpected endings to what feels safe and “good enough” can make way for things that far exceed your expectations and plans. The #soulsabbatical is the proof in that pudding.
I’m agnostic, I don’t hold faith in much, but I constantly seek feelings of contentment and assurance that everything is coming together as it should. Am I on the right path? Am I doing the right thing? Is this what I want and need? The past several years have been full of those questions. I noticed that all of my peers were struggling with the same questions. I didn’t realize it had a name, but it took watching the Adele One Night Only special as I packed to leave tonight to learn it. I noticed that Adele is rocking a very cool new Saturn tattoo, massive Saturn earrings, and performing at the Griffith Observatory. There had to be something to all of that. This article was very enlightening. “A Saturn Return is when Saturn fully rotates around the sun and returns to the exact position it was in the sky when you were born,” says Linda Joyce, professional astrologer and author of The Star Within. “It happens every 27 to 30 years. So, most people go through a Saturn Return in their late twenties to the beginning of their 30s—and that period usually lasts two to three years. Returns mark the closing of one cycle and the beginning of another. They usually signal maturity in your life and give you a larger vision of who you are and where you want to go.” According to Adele: “Then I hit my Saturn return. It’s where I lost the plot,” she said. “When that comes, it can rock your life. It shakes you up a bit: Who am I? What do I want to do? What makes me truly happy?”
I’m not a big believer in astrology, but I find it interesting and am open to taking bits of comfort and conformation where I can get it. When I find myself in a state of flux, I tend to hope for helpful fortune cookies. I kicked off this crazy adventure of mine with an Aura reading, which I found fascinating and exhilarating. I’ve had a couple tarot readings at pop up events, and I visited a psychic on a whim once. If it makes you feel like you got an answer to something bothering you and silences the constant barrage of questions that plague you, I don’t think it hurts anything. My head and heart have been bogged down by some heavy crap and I just needed a time out. I’ve passed hundreds of cheap psychic reading signs on my walks around the city. Today I found myself standing beside a psychic sign I’d passed dozens of times this month. I had an hour until I could get seated for my farewell meal to the city. I figured I could use $20 to get a cocktail or see what a psychic had to say about this turmoil I couldn’t seem to shake. How could a troubled soul say no to a stop at a place called “Serenity House?” I got to ask 3 questions, but I kept it pretty general. I asked for some insight into my family, career, and love. It wasn’t an earth shattering reading, but I left feeling a little lighter… at least until I googled my fortune teller, oops, don’t do that.
Overall, it was an incredible month in my favorite city in the world. I filled it with favorites, discovered new things, and went to vaccine mandated/masked concerts, musicals, and a movie. All are things that fuel and fill my heart, and dearly missed in the pandemic. There is just something so amazing about the fellowship fandom brings. We gather together to celebrate the power of something that moves us, and the community of people that find that in music and art is extraordinary. The Adele 30 launch was a masterclass in music marketing. You had to have been in a media vortex to have missed that the long awaited album arrived. Imagine my surprise when I checked my timehop and it told me that on this day 6 years ago, I was boarding my flight home to Austin listening to a brand spankin’ new Adele record, and wore my heart on my sleeve and offered it up to my friends, family and coworkers.
6 years ago feels like several lifetimes ago. I feel like I live on a completely different planet than the girl that wrote that post, but I distinctly remember writing that post curled up in my seat on a flight home. I was sick, exhausted, and completely burnt out on an all consuming dream that didn’t feel like it fit anymore. I will never forget the feelings I got when my plane landed and my Sudafed fueled ramblings were received with so much love, support, and camaraderie. There was so much power in writing words that connected with people sharing an experience. I can’t even begin to imagine how Adele must feel with the breadth of her platform and the incredibly well received deeply personal revelations.
I’m stubborn as a mule and resistant to change. I think my Saturn Return dragged on a little longer than normal. But 6 years ago, I was in the thick of it. I’m still in a period of renaissance, but I’m more certain than ever that I’m doing what I need to and should be doing. I am moving in the right direction, and the universe keeps telling me in a myriad of ways. Sometimes in Adele’s words, and sometimes in echoes of my own…
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From a Facebook Post on 11/21/2015
Tonight Lefsetz can sit one out and you're getting a Lyssa Letter.
I'm sick as a dog, stuck on a plane, hopped up on sudafed and absolutely emotionally wrecked by my hot date with my earbuds and Adele. As I trade one music town for another, I can't help but reflect. Bear with me.
Let's be honest- the music business is a soul-sucking, fickle, bitch. Only the stubborn dreamers survive. We're over-worked and under-paid, but we fight tooth and nail every day to make a place for ourselves in the dream machine. If you're lucky enough to move up from unpaid labor to a minimum wage minion, you thank your lucky stars you aren't standing behind a counter at Starbucks and living in your parents' basement like the rest of your classmates.
Facebook lies- our days are not all glamorous award shows, number one and release parties, and popping bottles of Dom. That happens, but most days it's forgetting to make time to eat or pee while staring at a computer and juggling three phones trying to do the job of ten. Its going home at midnight and being half there for your family and friends, sleeping with your phone in your hand, waking up in god knows where trying to get people to add the record or buy a few dozen copies and a tshirt. We aren't superheroes, but we are trolling the Internet for leaks or great coverage, its putting out fires and hoping to God the doors can stay open another day. It's hard, but we are part of select club doing thankless tasks for umpteen hours living worse than we did in college. You should see what happens at a record label when there is free food or booze ;) It's certainly not easy, but we do it because we're hungry to be a part of the magic that sucked us in as kids. Ok, that and we're just hungry- send bagels!
We don't want to be rockstars, we want to make them. We want to support them and guide them toward making their dreams come true- that's our dream. We don't do it for fortune or fame- half of us can't remember the last time there were 4 digits in the bank. We do it to see our work pay off in radio charts, soundscan reports, and album liners. Some small reminder that our sacrifices were part of something that made people happy.
The bottom rungs of every organization on Music Row are made by twenty and thirty somethings that fell in love with the greatest period of Country Music in history. We were raised on George, Garth, Trisha, Reba, Shania, Dolly, Alabama, Tim McGraw, Faith Hill and Lee Ann Womack. They told stories we believed, and they did it in a way we could all relate to. We hadn't lived the songs yet, but they were catchy and honest and you wanted to hear them again and again.
I don't think the folks at the top of the ladder are trying to decide between toilet paper or concert tickets- don't laugh, you've been there too. They aren't still going to Walmart at midnight to support a friend or neighbor. The young and hungry rabidly consume music hoping to hear an echo of what drew us in, but we're left to shuffle terrestrial radio stations until something tolerable comes on. I don't know about you, but I rarely listen to new music more than twice. I get depressed when I turn on the radio. Sometimes it gets hard to remember what we're fighting for.
Whenever I get close to giving up and moving on- the music gods send something to suck me back in. I was soooo close to selling off everything I own (you've seen my house- this would be a hellacious undertaking) moving to the beach and bartending my way through my 30s. Then the Stapleton record came out. It's not music to "brush your teeth to." It's damn fine country music. It's the truth. It's simple. You believe him. You feel like you could have written it- but the Limitless pill hasn't been invented yet. His victory was celebrated by the entire industry- you wanted him to win. He restored your faith that good music will prevail, there is light at the end of the tunnel, the genre ship has course corrected!
That's the secret- we're all fishing for the thing that makes us believe. I've been doing this for 10 years and I've come close, but I'm determined to stick it out until I make my mark with a passion project. I've had a couple bites, I'm just waiting to reel in the once in a lifetime. The song/artist/album that becomes your life's work. We aren't curing cancer here people- we're just trying to make some donuts that speak to people- a soundtrack to a generation.
That brings us to the point of this rambling open letter. Today was the long awaited Adele day! She isn't steel guitars and rhinestones, but she can weave a tale of heartbreak with the best of them.
She's young, fresh, and she sings directly into the broken hearts of the masses. Her words stitch them up with a sense of understanding and celebration of what was.
I am so proud of my fellow minions, and even more so of the people that tell us what to do. We went in droves to buy the record. I heard it playing up and down the hall. I heard it on the street. I saw her face on every ear budded phone at my gate. My social media was inundated with photos of Adele, of 25, of your love and adoration for this long awaited release. This one is not a streamer. You BOUGHT IT. I went to a record label and heard people proudly blasting something they paid to hear!
She sucked us back in. Ta da! It's fun again! It's a dream not a nightmare. We're part of the music mafia. We bust our asses for projects like this. It reaches the masses, it makes a difference in people's lives. It's like having a wonky British woman read your diary to you! Why wouldn't you be a soldier for that? Keep fighting, we'll get the once in a lifetime projects that feed the heart (and 401k.) It's worth the wait. The music business isn't dead, it's just looking for some soul, some class, and some sass.
Technically we're barely above the poverty line, but today we feel rich in spirit.
Congratulations to our Sony Brethren- 25 is a masterpiece and balm for the musical soul. Every band-aided together/ broken-hearted/art loving sap on the row salutes you.
In the venerable words of Penny Lane-
"Whenever you get lonely, go to the record store and visit your friends."
#byebyebrocountry
#swillmerchantsbegone
#nomoreafricanchild
