Reclaiming race

It was a no-brainer to start my address-less adventure by dropping my stuff at home. I thought I would record a few iconic family recipes, ask a couple questions and be on my merry way. The escalating attacks against Asian-Americans surfaced a shit storm of baggage and questions. I decided to start from the beginning before I move ahead. Conversations and breakthroughs began, and I don't know if it helps at all- but my Spoiled Spinster YouTube now has playlists of interviews and conversations about racism and assimilation erasure in addition to recipes and travel. I'm clearly not an expert on any of this, but the only way we're going to make any progress is by talking to each other. If you want to learn with me, I'm willing to share. If you have topics or questions you want covered, resources you want explored, or stories you want to tell- let me know.
I don't think it's a secret that I've always felt more at home in my white half than my Vietnamese half. My mom calling me passably white and explaining what she meant by that set off a chain reaction in my brain. Realizing that I didn't just forget or lose the other half of me, but I actively suppressed it to fit in and feel safe broke something open that I can only hope to begin to fill by saying a few things.

The Atlanta Spa Shooting and the subsequent official rhetoric about it simply being a “bad day” for a guy at the “end of his rope” rather than calling it domestic terrorism and a hate crime opened up some wounds a whole generation of Asian Americans didn’t know they were nursing. Conversations with dozens of friends and family members found us all reeling. The empathy we had always felt for other people of color who had it far worse than us was nothing compared to the hurt and terror we were now experiencing watching the massive rise in hate crimes against our people going unaddressed and largely ignored.

I seriously cannot make sense of what is happening in the world. The headlines stopped computing long ago, but I'm truly horrified by what I see and read. I’ve seen comments from friends and former colleagues that feel like a punch in the gut and sadden, infuriate, and embarrass me. The overall apathy over the state of affairs, the rhetoric used on any and all platforms is astonishing. I cannot fathom how anyone can be ok with 90% of what is happening in America today. I'm pissed about a long list of things, politics and pandemic aside, but by all accounts basic humanity and decency are rapidly disappearing.

There is no "getting back to normal." What we thought was "normal" is no longer a thing. I am standing on this tiny soap box and shouting into the abyss that everything has changed and there is no going back. I have no idea what magic door we have to open where everyone on the other side is living their best lives, safe and free- but I do know that we have an opportunity to do and be better. We're entering a new world, and if there is any chance you can envision one marginally better than the one we left in lockdown for people carrying a slightly different load than you, I want you to take it.

Let's start small. Be nice to another human. Apologize when you are wrong. Learn and grow. Read a book or an article and realize there is some effed up ish happening to people for simply being and we shouldn't stand for it. It's time to speak up. We can't make it better by just sitting there stewing about things that fire us up. If you can volunteer time, money, energy, or influence to a cause that matters to you- ante up. I don't know anyone happy with the status quo, but we all seem to just be steeping in our anger and frustration instead of doing something to move us forward. Pick a cause and do something, anything. I am so inspired by the people I see furious about what is happening around them and actively participating in making it better. The apathy and acceptance by others devastates me.

We need to do better. Period. To make space for people to be themselves, celebrate our differences, embrace what makes us special and unique. In my dream new-normal, we learn to not only express our opinions in a constructive way- but learn to receive them as well.

This is the only time in my life I’ve ever worn an Ao Dai, a traditional Vietnamese dress. My grandma made them for everyone for my aunt’s wedding. I started fighting everything that made me different from my friends not long after this.

Racism was always this abstract concept I empathized with but didn't think directly effected me. Until I woke up one day and realized it started so young I spent decades digging a moat between who I really was and who I wanted to be. I kept digging until I was about to drown in it. It took devastating acts against people that look like me to sit down and really think about how I got here and how I want to move forward. I know we have to speak up. To stop hiding who we are, the experiences that made us, and making ourselves smaller to fit this ideal that is just not healthy or realistic. I'm on a mission to fully own who I am, chase what matters to me, and find some sense in the madness. You may never learn how to say my name or realize I’m not related to that other Asian person you vaguely know. But for the love of god I’d like for us to not be scared that we’re a little different or scared to just exist.

I told a friend I couldn't wait for my second dose of the vaccine because then maybe the sheer terror of simply existing might abate. I wish I had felt some magic in that second syringe of Pfizer last week, because that lead weight grows heavier in my gut every day. I don't know, something about this long list of harm that came to people for just breathing while Asian tells me we have some serious room for improvement.

I barely remember this girl, but I sure like seeing her as a part of something that goes back generations. I like to think the girl she grew into can be a part of keeping those traditions alive rather than hiding them.

I’m working with friends and family to find a way to help, because powerlessly watching the world on fire around me does not work for me. I’m tired of just being pissed. I’m investing in uncomfortable, allowing myself to be vulnerable, asking the questions I didn’t know I needed to ask, and trying to find ways to make some sense and some change. I hope you’ll join me. The status quo is not ok, we can and should do better. If you can’t safely be Black, Jewish, Hispanic, Asian, Rainbow, or a woman in America- it may be time to for everyone to acknowledge we have some stepping up to do.

The first item in my Curated Confections store is a vintage asian figurine I’m calling Ready to Rumble. I’m donating all of my profits from the sale with another donation to Stop AAPI Hate