Not White, But Privileged…

I wrote this post while watching the the Black Lives Matter protest coverage. I revisited while I was processing the Asian American Hate. It crushes my heart to see how far we are from an acceptable  adherence to what we supposedly stand for. It’s hard to stomach, but we have to keep our eyes open and work for better. It’s the only way progress is made. 

I'm not white, but I'm privileged, and that's something I've had the luxury to never think about or acknowledge. I'm half Vietnamese and half white. Despite the fact that I'm regularly asked "What are you," I'm so deeply synced into my white half and out of tune with the Asian half I honestly forget unless someone asks me that stupid question.

When I was little, my aunt and uncle adopted a sweet little boy. I was so excited to meet my cousin. My mom saw the picture and said "Oh, they adopted a black baby? That's awesome!" I believe I said something like "Mom, Black? Isn't he just tan?" Yeah, a tan newborn, because that's a thing. My grandmother once took me to a party at her church. I was so unbelievably uncomfortable in a room filled entirely with Vietnamese people that I could not communicate with. A middle aged white guy walked in and I said, "Oh thank god, another white person." I'll never forget the look on her face when she said "Um no, not another, you aren't white." It's 30 years later and I'm still so embarrassed. I say all this to demonstrate that children have no freaking idea what to do/think/acknowledge about ethnicities and race. That knowledge isn't baked in, it's learned. They are conversations that should and need to be had to ensure that kids have the tools to deal in this messed up world.

If you haven't heard Avenue Q "Everyone's a Little Bit Racist" you absolutely should. "It's funny because it's true" isn't enough. Be better. Even the little things we joke about and can't imagine offending someone make people feel bad, other, less than, or not welcome. Even if it's subtle and you're not overtly racist or offensive, your silence on the matter is destructive. It normalizes bad behavior and teaches people that it's ok to generalize, marginalize and make people feel small. Is that what you want to teach your kids? Your racist co-worker with the bad jokes? Your friends dad that always makes you uncomfortable but you don't feel like it's your place because you aren't even that race? When I look in the mirror, I don't see Asian or white. I see pounds and zits I'd like to be free of... and now I see someone who has had it incredibly easy all things considered and it's time to step it up.

Im educated. I'm not the level of smart people micro-aggressively assume Asians are, but I'm not dumb. I went to a private Baptist school in the south because it was the best path to chase my dreams. My mom asked if I was going to be ok in a school with so little diversity. I hated to break it to her that Country Music wasn't going to be a big ol' melting pot of comfort so I might as well get used to it. I know what it's like to walk into a big room and be the only non-white person, but I don't know what it's like for that to be scary. To fear for my life by just living it- going to work, going for a run, loving who I love. The worst things people are going to assume about me are that I drive worse than I do and that I'm better at math than I am. Maybe I'm still so white in my head, I never noticed any instances of overt racism towards me personally, but I've definitely seen it. If no one else is going to say it this bluntly, I will. Minorities and women are not welcome in country music. Racism and sexism 100% contribute to what you hear on the radio- but "that's just the way it is." "That's just the way it is" has really become our national motto. I'm no genius, but I think we should probably change that.

My life's path means that the vast majority of the people I interact with are white, educated, and privileged in that waking up every day scared and angry is a relatively new experience. I'm not saying no one reading this hasn't had it tough, overcome adversity, been scared alone at night, or built a better life for themselves through nothing but hard work and determination. I just think we (collectively) are pretty sheltered and blessed that racial injustice has always been this vague issue that people smarter and more equipped than us needed to solve. You may not have noticed that it was still a problem, I've just spent a lot of time telling you how unaware I am. Do you see it now? Can you dig deep and try to see someone else's struggle and how you were quiet and let it go? Do you think there's something you can do? Someone you can talk to? A cause you can donate to that will make the world marginally better for someone else? You're staying home and wearing a mask to protect others. This sucks, it destroyed our plans, our economy, our way of life, our hope for the future. Telling someone they are seen and that you do not care for what they are experiencing and are willing to do something to make it better can be a lot less drastic than a national shut down. Can you find a way to do that? To entertain that someone else's experience can make you a better person if you get past the discomfort of talking about it and internalize it for better?

I'm willing to bet very few people reading this have experienced prejudice, discrimination, or to have the deck inherently stacked against them by systems much older than we are. I hope that you believe that systemic racism is real, it's a thing, and that it needs to change. All lives DO matter, but not all of them need extra support RIGHT NOW. Not ALL people have to live their lives in very tight little boxes to make other people feel safe and comfortable in their presence. I doubt you have to teach your kids how to make themselves smaller, less "threatening." I definitely don't think you do drills with them on what happens if they encounter police. I'm fairly sure you spend time teaching them to look to police for help. This isn't something we really think about, but we should. Teaching kids better is something that would solve a lot of problems for them in the future. Can you help there?

Yes, all lives matter- doesn't that go without saying? That doesn't need a movement. I thought it was a no brainer that if there's a small chance we hurt less and help more by wearing masks we'd shut up and do it. I kind of thought it was no one's business who you loved, but that still needs work too. A LOT of work. Changes are needed all over the map. Global Warming isn't a myth. Plastic is a problem. We're killing the ocean and the trees that keep our planet habitable. Our healthcare and education systems need more than a little work. Homelessness, hunger, mental illness, mass shootings, sex trafficking, energy crisis, aids, cancer... There are a lot of causes to tackle and we probably won't fix them all in our lifetime, but it doesn't mean we shouldn't try. That window for action is going to close much faster if we don't get moving.

When we're young we think we know everything. The older we get the more we realize we don't know. We definitely don't know how to handle the complexities that come with the host of issues we are facing. We certainly don't know how to talk about it. They say learning is fun, but I'm afraid this process won't be. I think it's our responsibility to each other to do a little homework on how we can tackle issues that so gravely impact our world. Shaking our heads in disgust and calling people names is not productive. We don't have to do everything, but we need to do MORE.

"I can't make an impact," "I don't know how" "I'm afraid to mess up/upset people/ do it wrong" aren't going to cut it. Problems don't have to directly impact you or be an immediate threat to you personally to care enough to make small steps to help fix them. We don't have to solve them completely or deliver perfect solutions, but we need to try harder to make a difference.

The things that come around that universally scare us and require our immediate collective action and attention are rare. The entire world is unified in the fight against something we can't see and we don't understand. We're afraid to leave our houses, hug each other, and live our lives. That's been a couple months- have you thought about how that would feel for a couple generations? We've been in hibernation to protect each other from one unseen virus, and we DID MAKE A DIFFERENCE. Can we acknowledge that racism and prejudice might need a similar collective effort? Only they don’t need you to stay home, they need you to speak up and at least try. In case you haven't noticed, there is no going back to the world we knew before COVID. Everything is going to look different, and we're all in unchartered territory. We owe each other grace and patience because we're all freaked out and trying to find our footing. But we also owe each other constructive dialog and attempts at progress, to eradicate apathy, to dig deep and figure out a different perspective. The world cannot continue as it was, and you shouldn't want it to.

Complacency is a luxury, really, it's a privilege. Some people's lives stopped being livable, especially the people really really REALLY pissed off that people are now routinely murdered in the street in broad daylight by people that swore to protect them. Not only are they not helped- they are filmed and still cannot get justice. Can you understand the anger and fear and loss of control that might cause? We're only now scared of our lack of freedom and perceived rights, new practices that make us uncomfortable... sound familiar?

I am wildly uncomfortable taking a stand on issues. I'm horribly politically apathetic. I'm so down the middle I never voted because it didn't really matter, I was pretty much fine either way. I'd never felt the urge to vote until my options were someone with political experience or the guy advocating uninvited pussy grabbing. That same guy broke us so far into different corners its going to take a miracle to get on the same page and start working together again. The luxury to rely on someone smarter, more powerful, or better equipped is gone. Did you not like how prepared we were for a pandemic? The way resources are being allocated to save us? Do you think the way our government has evolved is so ridiculous there has to be a better way? Learn, vote, donate time or money, or even run yourself. If you think you can do better you can and should.

We owe it to each other to take a stand on SOMETHING. To educate ourselves and make a difference. I'm not white, but I'm privileged. My experiences have shaped me and my bubble has protected me. I've spent the past year wondering what I wanted for my life because it all felt a little empty and meaningless. I thought that might mean making radical changes, I just couldn't figure out what. I didn't think the giant dumpster fire of 2020 would be the fire I needed lit under my ass to realize that what I needed to do was stop worrying about me and what I wanted, but to figure out how I can use all of my blessings and advantages to help. Even if it's just a tiny bit.

I'm committing to check my complacency and crush my apathy. To let go of my perfectionist tendencies and just dive in and figure it out. To care much less if I upset or offend people if I get it wrong. Not rocking the boat and existing in the "it's good enough," and "that's just the way it is" is not living and it's certainly not thriving. I don't care what issues you decide on to make the world a better place, but it really needs you to take action of some kind. It definitely needs you to research and vote for people that have more power than you to do the things you think need to happen to make things better.

Words matter. I like them tremendously. I'm told I can sometimes string them together in a way that makes people laugh or feel better. I'm promising that my new normal will involve using my voice to amplify the needs of others. Using my time and my brain to look for solutions instead of just pretty pictures and funny stories. It took the mask issue for me to realize that empathy is what I care most about. I don't care if you agree with me, if you think I'm still just a privileged bad driver and I should go back to wherever I came from. I care that you care enough about a single other person to make things better for them with the tools at your disposal. I value others enough to ensure that my actions help vs hurt. Inaction and silence totally hurts. I will speak up, I will be better, and I will try. I hope you will too.