3 Months in…
I’m a planner. I can’t help myself. I like things to run smoothly and to avoid all forms of friction, I work really hard to be efficient. I lay in bed at night thinking about what might go wrong and plan ways to circumvent any potential issues. That worked well for me for event planning and as a solo traveler- but this journey isn’t my usual epic hyper-planned and organized adventure. It’s a new way of life and I can’t possibly lay it out like an event and start working on benchmarks and timelines.
Its a completely new mindset- to pick one big thing and then just start eliminating obstacles until you’re where you want to be. To get out of the house- I just figured out when it made the most sense to leave and started working until I got it done. Then I started tackling where to go next. How to make money to get myself there. How to share these crazy things happening to me when we’re living in a world of quarantine and isolation.
I’m moved out, my tenants are in, I give up my car next week. That brings my bills to just insurance, data, and keeping myself fed and entertained. I haven’t received a normal paycheck since last July, my new income stream is less than half of what it used to be and a third of what I was projecting for this year. I’ve never been a great budgeter, and I don’t even really know where to start on this half baked adventure. But I’m taking it a day at a time and figuring it out as I go along. I have faith that I’ll figure it out and everything will come together. I can wing some things, but I’m pretty much winging it all these days. I used to stay awake all night wondering and worrying. I sleep really well now.
I head to the Pacific Northwest in less than 2 weeks and I could be gone anywhere from a month to the rest of the year. I have no idea. I’m a professional packer- but that’s a level of planning and what iffing I couldn’t begin to fathom. People are asking me questions about plans for July, August, all the way to December and I’m just looking at them like…. I know what I’m doing for the next couple of weeks. I can’t commit to anything until I figure out a little bit more. That would make the old me crazy, but the new me just shrugs my shoulders and keeps trolling the internet for the next project or destination to throw myself into.
I am the happiest exploring new places, meeting new people, experiencing local culture and cuisine, and telling stories about the magic I have uncovered. I can’t believe that this is my new job. To help people for a couple hours a day, find cool things to do, tell you about it, and hunt for treasures to share with people. I was applying to hundreds of jobs that sounded cool on paper but were going to suck my soul and will to live right out. Who knew I really could make up a job that doesn’t feel like work, gives me the best of all worlds, and challenges me in ways I never imagined? Certainly not the corporate minded workaholic girl that cared so much what people thought. I agonized about whether or not I was where I was supposed to be, on the right track, and making my timetable. I worked myself into all kinds of health issues, I wasn’t in a good place mentally, physically, or emotionally. I changed directions five years ago just to catch my breath and figure out what I really wanted, but I had no idea who I was outside of work and I had no idea where I wanted to go. The pandemic grounded me, and even though I had months to cool my jets and strategize about what was next, I couldn’t seem to pick a direction and run. I wanted to go everywhere, see and do everything… but practical planner me didn’t believe that was an option.
Now I’m trying on all kinds of hats (physically and metaphorically) and I’m having a wonderful time. I think I’ve fully embraced the uncertainty of my journey, and the stress I felt about it 5 years ago and last year are so far in my rear view mirror, I’m not quite sure I’d even recognize the girl crippled by the weight of it. I find beauty in the not knowing. I’m not sure of much, but I’m positive I’m going to be alright and this will all work itself out. My life, and my suitcase.
Thanks for being here with me!
L
