Reflections on this journey so far
I have to make a point to reflect on my life and experiences. I put my head down and do my work, I lift it up and chase adventure, beauty, and fun with equal determination. When I lay in bed at night, I spend far more time thinking ahead than I do about what’s already happened. I’m nostalgic by nature, but I’m a restless wanderer obsessed with what comes next and that usually wins. There is only so much data a person can process in a day, and sometimes you need to carve out some time to really appreciate what you’ve seen and done with your life instead of obsessing about what comes next.
People tease me about my shutterbug tendencies. These are my commonly asked questions:
“Do you ever go back and look at all those pictures?”
Um yes, all the freaking time. I can’t tell you how often I flip back and reference cool things when family and friends ask for recs for their own travels. I am constantly pulling up photos when I am telling a story and want a visual aid. A lot of the pictures I take aren’t even for me- I send things to people that make me think of them all.the.freaking.time.
“Do you just do cool stuff so you can put it on Instagram and feel cool?”
I worked with an artist that called it “Brag-o-gram,” and as funny as I find that description, It’s really not how I use it. I do so much cool stuff and my memory isn’t as good as it used to be- my recall gets fuzzy. Instagram is my own personal highlight reel, a quick snap journal of my travels and adventures. I do it for myself not reactions. When I start to feel blue, stir crazy, or lost, I scroll back and think about why I wanted to hang onto that memory. What brought me joy in that moment? Where do I want to spend my time and energy so I can feel like that again? I budget my time, energy, and effort for the experience- the photo is for me and those moments of nostalgia.
“Can’t you just live in the moment and soak it in?”
Yes I can. There are plenty of amazing things that have happened to me that I don’t have any photo references for, but my preference is to take one because I enjoy them so much. I take immense pleasure in framing cool shots, taking a moment to clean it up and commit this magic moment to my heart. I’m a collector. I can’t help but pick up beautiful trinkets, cool and weird crap, and amazing experiences. The photos are my cheapest collection, and I treasure them like all the other cool junk I can’t seem to leave behind.
What I haven’t figured out is the best way to share all of these moments in time. I’m alone for the majority of my adventures, but I want to share them with people I love. I hate iMovie with a fiery passion. I don’t need to be the asshole thats too busy taking videos to live in the moment, and I really REALLY don’t want to be the one that gets in the way of other people trying to take in something amazing. I try to take a quick pic and move it along, most of the time I don’t even stop walking to take it.
These iPhone automatically made movies make an awesome base, and I play until I’ve highlighted my favorite moments on an adventure. This one is from my last days in Nashville to some adventures around Austin after my first house sit in Taos, New Mexico. It’s got saying goodbye to my home of 18 years, getting my vaccine in San Antonio, taking a mental health trip to unplug in a yurt in Hot Springs after the AAPI mass shooting, exploring the antique festival in Round Top, and crossing Marfa, Texas and the Prada Marfa exhibit off my bucket list as I road trip to New Mexico for my first house sit in Taos. I took all kinds of road trips and explored Sante Fe and several day trips. I went back to Austin for some milestone family moments and made some field trips throughout the hill country and even played tourists around town with visitors.
People ask me if I get lonely, am I having fun, or if I’m overwhelmed and the answer is yes to all of the above. But I’m visiting friends, making new ones, exploring things that have haunted and inspired my dreams. I’m processing old baggage, letting it go, considering possibilities, experimenting with new ways of living and reconsidering what my life might look like. I’m helping people and having fun with a job that is not my identity and gives me no stress. I’m living in a complete anthropological experiment by really immersing myself in peoples homes and lives. I have befriended and truly care about every single person that has hosted me, fallen madly in love with their pets, discovered why a person would want to build a life in the places they lay their heads, and figured out what is important to me.
The world stood still, everything turned grey, we were frozen with fear and we knew nothing was ever going to be the same. It’s an exciting and scary time to have your world turn upside down and need to start from scratch. Every possible future I mentally explored turned me off, I was not inspired or excited about any of the options I sorted through. I wasn’t the same person and neither was the path I had been walking on. I still don’t really know where I’m going or what I’m doing, but I’m making so much progress learning to live in the now. I focus on each step at a time, explore my options, and put my energy towards things I know I will want to remember. I still plan, but I leave a lot more time for the impromptu and random. I’m much more relaxed in all aspects of my life, and going with the flow doesn’t just come more naturally- its a preference. That’s a HUGE step for the OCD/TypeA/Efficiency and Planning nerd. I can already feel this journey changing me. I’m never going to be the same. I’m open to more possibilities than I’ve ever been. I’m trying new things every single day. I’m collecting- moments, memories, and new people to love.
Half of me is processing the past and the other half is running ahead trying to get me to the next thing. I’m wandering and wondering, and I’m so happy. I’ll still be trying to find the right medium and method for these stories. It may be a meal I wish I could share with you, a skyline/beautiful building/gorgeous bridge you have to see, a stunning sunset, a mural in a smelly alley, a masterpiece in a museum, something crazy weird you’d never believe without evidence, or the people/places/pets that have stolen my heart. I’m collecting them all, and I’ll prize them just like the beautiful things that used to line my walls and shelves. I’m really glad my phone made this random little video. It’s exactly what I needed to process how this journey began and how far I’ve come in just a few short months. My phone already made the PNW recap, but it was still so fresh in my mind I didn’t have the same emotional reaction as this one. It’s pretty hard to believe that 6 months ago I was starting the keep/toss/purge process to jumpstart this journey. Here I am, on house sit #4, planning activities between sits 5 and 6 in ALASKA, flipping through photos surrounded by 5 sweet pups I already love like my own. Other peoples travels power my own, and being surrounded by the evidence of their lives well lived is the greatest gift I’ve ever received. So far, the #spoiledspinster #soulsabbatical is a solid success.
