Reflections: 6 Months into the journey

6 months into this adventure, I have a lot to tell you. I have royally screwed up, everything has worked out perfectly, miraculous detours have taken me to uncharted territory, random strangers have completely changed my life, and the world is a bigger, brighter, more beautiful place. I can’t wait to tell you about what I’ve been up to and what I’ve learned.

I returned to Nashville after an extended holiday in Austin ready to pack up my life and take off on an open-ended adventure. I was starting the process in early February, and was fully moved out and ready to roll the first week of March. That means it’s been about 6 months since I embarked on this journey. I’m wrapping up my fifth house sit and exploring Alaska on my own before I begin my sixth. I’m relatively planned for the rest of the year, but nothing goes according to plan.

“Relatively planned” or “Practically Planned” is my new favorite default setting. Figure out a rough outline, decide on what is non-negotiable, and be open to whatever else comes. So many amazing, wonderful, incredible people, places, experiences, and happy memories I never could have dreamt up have crossed my path. My heart is forever expanded and changed. I’ve traveled across the country for a sandwich, watched pot bellied pigs, explored pacific islands with my family, adopted a 6-pack of pets and took crazy random road trips, did yoga with reindeer, drove 9 hours to cross an invisible line, I’m about to sleep in a UHAUL van for 10 days. I just figured out that I messed up the travel for BOTH LEGS of this Alaskan adventure, but I’ve made lifelong friends, seen so many beautiful things, tasted unforgettable treasures. I sleep well at night without supplemental assistance for the first time in over a decade. I wake up excited to tackle each day. Interesting ideas and visions for my future have surfaced and I’m thoughtfully exploring new paths for myself. Sure, it’s hard, it’s stressful, I worry about things I wouldn’t have even considered years ago, but I’m moving forward with a life I love knowing that I’m challenged in rewarding ways and am in control of my own destiny.

It’s funny, I’ve spent the largest part of my professional career in an industry full of people that could seriously use mental health professionals. Now I work part time for a bunch of mental health providers, and I am encouraged and inspired by them every day. When all I cared about was my career, I pushed myself to the brink of a breakdown until I just didn’t have anything left to give. Now I work a couple hours a day and wonder what else I can do to help my team (and others) instead of wondering how I’m going to survive another day. Amy, the founder of the incredible practice I support, is my biggest cheerleader. She tells me regularly that she talks more about me and what I’m doing than anything else going on in her life. She can’t get over this journey that I’m on and always wants to know where I am and what I’m up to. Amy is a leading figure in her field, she’s approached with media opportunities every day, once for an interview with someone I know from a past life- which was wild. She was recently approached by a local news anchor to do a podcast about wellness and mental health, and she said “I’m happy to help any way that I can, but honestly, you should just talk to Lyssa.” So she started today’s call asking if it was ok to share my contact info because, “You are really well adjusted with a good head on your shoulders. You’ve overcome hard things and have managed to use them all to your advantage. You’re going after what you want, you’re figuring things out, and you’re happy. That is excellent podcast material. So if you are open to it, I want you to talk to them.”

Wow. It knocked the wind out of me and filled my sails to hear her say that. My parents sunk some serious cash into therapy for me when I was growing up. Through the help of some terrifically trained mental health professionals I learned skills that I can’t imagine living without. While I don’t spend a lot of time in self-reflection, I am able to explore my experiences and find the value in what they have taught me and how I’ve grown from them. Especially around my birthday, which I usually spend in quiet reflection of where I’ve been, where I want to go, and how to tweak the journey. Beyond the fact that she thought of me for this opportunity, hearing a therapist call you well-adjusted feels like graduating the broken teenager that desperately wanted to make those words true.

Yeah, I’ve been through some really hard crap in my life. I’m scarred and I get scared, but I keep going. I’m determined to figure things out and find fun and happiness along the way. My favorite part is sharing these experiences. Of all the things I love to collect, stories are my favorite. I have gooooood stories, a whole lifetime of them. I think that means it’s a life well lived, regardless of what I’ve done with it. Amy keeps saying she can’t wait to read my book, and I keep telling her I can’t wait to figure out what I really want to write about. I know my blog is a tiny little blip of my stories. I think about just recording myself talking about the weird crap that has happened to me over the years so I don’t forget. I won’t have kids to keep these memories for me. Do you want to hear them? Is that something else I should add to the long list of random projects I’m pursuing with this time?

When I try to think about what Little Lyssa used to want to do with her life, the dreams she had, the plans she made… she never in her wildest dreams would have imagined this. I still don’t know exactly what I want to throw myself into long term, but I’m sure having fun exploring. I am positive I’m on the right path, and I’m ok with not knowing exactly where it leads. Relatively/Practically Planned is working out just fine for me so far. I hit the bumps, roll along, and thrive along the way. I hope you’ll keep coming with me, it’s a wild ride.

xo

Lyssa